Protect & Survive 14:The Government Conspiracy Job
by RowenaR
Summary: Evan Lorne and Laura Cadman thought their life would be a quiet one, now that Atlantis is back on Earth... little did they know what awaited them.
1. Prologue

**Author:** RowenaR

**Rating:** T, probably

**Category: **Romance/Action

**Disclaimer:** Stargate belongs to Gekko and… all those other people making money with it. Leverage as well. Not Gekko, that is but... whoever owns it. Anyway, I don't. Honestly. So – I don't own, you don't sue. Deal?

**Summary:** Evan Lorne and Laura Cadman thought their life would be a quiet one, now that Atlantis is back on Earth... little did they know what awaited them.**  
**

**A/N: **This is the very mean bunny named Fred I'd been writing about in my last few _Protect and Survive_ stories, and I really hope I'll _ever_ finish it. So far I'm at 17 chapters or something and I'm not even _close _to finishing. It's a _monster_! Seriously, it is and it's not only my new job (well, or kind of job) that's keeping me from continuing *sighs But I will. I swear I will finish this. And if **mac** will have to get out the wet noodle of DOOM.

Anyway, as always: Not a native speaker, so please excuse any weird grammatical constructions, run-ons and typos. Feedback will earn you a cookie, flames will roast my marshmellows.

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**Protect and Survive: The Government Conspiracy Job**

"_Don't believe the church and state  
And everything they tell you  
Believe in me, I'm with the high command."_

_Mike & The Mechanics, "Silent Running"_

**Prologue**

So they're back on Earth. A bit unexpectedly at that. And… with a means of transportation no one ever took into account. Essentially, Atlantis is back home… quite literally. She tries to hold back a sigh at the sight out of their living room window. It's the Golden Gate Bridge alright. She can't quite believe it but then again… it's been only three hours since Carson set Atlantis down in the San Francisco Bay, after a more than bumpy ride.

She shakes her head again. This is just… no, this is really not the homecoming they'd imagined. In fact, Evan and she hadn't been scheduled for leave for another four months at least. So, yes, of course she's damn glad that everything went well and no one died… well, not permanently, anyway.

She's also glad that nothing in the departments she has responsibilities for is in too much of a disarray so she got away with about an hour of cleaning up and getting some order into the minor chaos after arriving on Earth. So now she's just waiting for Evan to find a spare moment and come down because they didn't have the opportunity to see each other since she knew better than to interfere with his work because of something as trivial as "Oh my God, you didn't die, don't to this _ever_ again, you hear!"

Oh, okay, so she'd been worried _sick_ about Evan when he'd been on that Wraith cruiser with the rest of the team but what's new about _that_? She shrugs, as if to reassure herself that her faith in everything ending well never wavered but deep down she knows… "You know it's strange how that sight never gets old."

_Jeez_. She _almost_ jumped when suddenly strong arms slid around her waist from behind and a velvety voice that has a teasing undertone to it said that very close to her ear. But, yeah, thank God she could keep her reaction in check so she just leans back against Evan's chest and puts her hands on his. "Admit it, you _planned_ to land her here."

The hands are drawn away and she half turns to see him raise them in self-defense. "Hey, I wasn't even _here_ when Carson put her down. It was all _his_ doing."

"Uh-huh, yeah, right," she says as she fully turns around and he's ready to launch into full snark mode but she just pulls him to her for the kiss she'd been meaning to give him ever since knowing he was back in the city again. And just for today… she'll also forget about the scolding she'd had in her head for just as long.

So after taking what he owed her for all the stunts he probably pulled on the Wraith cruiser he didn't tell her about – and knowing him won't ever tell her – she breaks the kiss and looks at him, unable to withstand the bright grin on his face. "So," she says and licks her lips, just a little bit on purpose, "what do we do now, farm boy?"

He grins again and she's sure he will… "First of all… call our parents, I'd say." What… aw, no. He _knew_ what she'd have on her mind when she saw him grinning like _that_ and he just… she considers giving him a slap to the back of his head that's more than just gentle.

But since she knows he's probably anticipating that, she just smirks and says, "With what? Last time I checked, out-bound calls are _not_ free-for-all here."

He shrugs a little nonchalantly. "Yeah, well, after some intervention… McKay beat some of his slave work… I mean, scientists to solve the issue surrounding cloaking and cell phones. We're free to use them."

Of course she knows she should give him a pat on the head or something because she's sure he had his part in that and it _is_ a big advancement… but yeah, it also means having to call her mom… and talk to her the first time after telling her she got married. Tentatively, she says, "But… we don't _have_ to, right?"

He gives her a _look_. Very pointed and with that raised eyebrow and all. She tries not to be intimidated by it and thinks she's doing pretty fine. "No, Laura, you will _not_ get around talking to your mother. Not any more than _I_ will get around talking to _mine_." Well, okay, fair enough. Or… not.

"_Your_ mom is a sane human being. Whereas mine… I'm not quite sure _what_ she is but _sane_ is not part of the description." And now _he_ tries very hard not to laugh at that. She can see that. He's really finding it funny, despite not wanting to.

He even has to clear his throat before saying, "Now, young lady, that's _not_ a nice thing to say about your mother."

Okay… she really, really tries to hold back her thought but… well… "Will it get me a spanking at least?" She even does the innocent eyelash batting and the barely there pout.

As much as he tries to show no reaction to that… she can very much _feel_ one, still being so close to him and everything. Maybe she can delay the Call of Doom just a little longer. She just has to move her fingers through his hair… like that… and place a soft kiss on his jaw… like that… "First call. Then reward." She can't help grinning at that. Brain mush much, Major?

But then he manages to disentangle himself from her – at least not after starting to undo her hair – and put her cell phone in her hand. Wha… he must have scooped it up when he came into their quarters. Her first impulse is to make clear to him just _how_ unwilling she is but he just holds up his index finger, pulls out his own cell phone and starts to dial. Muttering something about bullying Zoomie husbands she does the same and wanders over to the couch.

At first no one picks up and she's half-ready to just hang up but unfortunately, just a moment before she actually does it, her call is answered. "Cadman." Oh damn, it's mom.

She clears her throat and then squares her shoulders, preparing herself for this conversation like she prepares for combat. "Oh, hi mom, it's me, Laura."

One, two, three… "Laura. How nice of you to call." Mh. No fireworks… well, yet. Okay, maybe it won't go as terrible as she thought it would.

"Yeah, uh, well… there've been a few changes with work and uh… it looks like for the time being… we'll be stateside again." Behind her she can hear Evan saying something similar to his mother… only sounding much more believable than she must have sounded.

"Oh really?" Right. Here they go. Mom has this _undertone_ in her voice. On the surface she's all nice and mildly surprised – which is the _first_ hint that she's more than mildly _pissed_ – but underneath that there's a certain _chill_ to her mother's voice. She's in _so much trouble_ right now.

She clears her throat. "Yeah, really. Uh, listen mom…"

"Where are you right now, dear? Colorado Springs?" Yep, very, very deep in trouble. Like way in over her head. Oh fuck.

For a moment, she catches Evan's eyes and frowns at him, indicating that whatever happens now is solely _his_ fault. "Uh, no, not… exactly. We're… we're in San Francisco, mom."

Well, more or less but her mother doesn't need to know _that_. "Ah, so you decided to visit Evan's family first? You could have phoned us at least, you know." Is it just her or did the temperature in the room just drop a few degrees? Oh, and it looks like Evan just told his mother the same thing… and she's kicking his ass because he didn't rush over _immediately_. So at least she's not alone.

"No, no, it's not like that, mom. Until now we were… we had some work-related stuff we needed to deal with. Evan's just now phoning his family and…" and she's babbling. Ah damn. Every time her mother uses that tone on her, she feels like a 10-year-old who was caught playing with matches in the backyard.

Also, Evan seems to have heard her babbling. Or at least that's what his amused half-grin is telling her. Grrr. "Work-related, mhm." Argh. Come on, she thinks, just say it. Just say you disowned me for marrying secretly and without the whole hullaballoo you wanted for your little girl and all that. "But it's a good thing you're in San Francisco because see… a while ago – well, actually, shortly after we got that video message about you being married all of a sudden – I talked to Eleanor."

"You did _what_?" Oh, huh, funny, Evan just said the exact same thing to _his_ mother. And now he's looking at her with an expression that does look a little desperate.

"Oh, no, no, it's absolutely okay." Her mother's tone changed to downright cheerful and for some reason _that_ is much more terrifying than the usual cool note she got when her mother is angry with her but doesn't want to shout. "She's really a very nice woman. We actually agreed on a few things."

Uh-oh. _Uh-oh_. "Mom…"

But no, her mother is finally where she wanted to get right from the beginning. Oh fuck. "For example that we were both a little… put off with you getting married so far from home. And in your _uniforms_. _Both_ of you at that." From the other side of the room she can hear Evan grumble into his phone and she's pretty sure that his mom just told him about the same thing. Oh God. What if… what if their mothers _planned_ this, using their Mad Mother Skillz and all that?

"Oh, look, mom, we didn't mean to…"

"No, no, it's alright. We accept that you felt the need for a quiet wedding, with only your closest friends and everything." The hell you do, she thinks but is wise enough not to voice it out loud. "However… since we agreed that as your families we do deserve to have a part in this… we decided to suggest to you to have a second wedding." And by 'to suggest you to' she means 'we order you to'. Ohfuckohfuckohfuck. "A stateside wedding, you know."

"No, mom, we can't… I mean… look…" She lost the battle the moment she dialed her family's number; she knows that now. There's really no use in putting up a fight and from the looks of it, Evan knows it as well. He's trying not to go down without one, just as much as she is, but it's really futile.

"Don't worry, Eleanor and I will help you with the planning and everything. How does July sound? A summer wedding would be so nice. Would you prefer Chicago or San Francisco? Or maybe Colorado Springs, in the Academy chapel? We weren't sure what you wanted, seeing that it'll sure be a very formal military wedding and that we'll also need a chapel with lots of room because we have been comparing potential guest lists and…"

Oh God. She needs to _act_. "Sorry, mom, I think I just lost the connection. Maybe one of the cell towers just went down. No, really, I can't hear you. Really, really sorry." With that, she cuts the connection and after a moment of shock she flings the cell phone away, as if being burned by it.

It's very quiet in the room for another moment and then she feels Evan sitting down next to her. Then, after taking another moment, she turns to him right in the moment he turns to her and they open their mouths at the same time… to say the exact same thing with the exact same mixture of bewilderment and dread in their voices. "We are so _screwed_."


	2. One

**One**

Yeah, he probably should have asked the client to come to Boston instead of agreeing to meet him in Washington, D.C. The only pictures they could find of him had been from years ago and always been bad quality – as in driver's license and passport bad – so he's not really sure who to look for. And to make it worse, their client is an officer in the United States Air Force and officers of all four branches are in abundance in Washington.

"Hardison, please tell me you found a _current_ picture of our Major," he murmurs but when Hardison starts muttering about not being Miracle Max he suddenly sees him. "Okay, revise that. I think I found him." Yep, over there by the window. The guy's in civilian clothing but that's what makes it so easy to pick him out once you caught sight of him.

Career soldiers out of uniform always have this slightly uncomfortable look about them, as if they feel like they are in the wrong place and this guy is no exception. Tall, blond and good looking but shifting a little uneasily in his seat and looking nothing like the stereotype of a dare-devil flyboy you'd expect an Air Force officer to be. But then again… he'd learned very early on that the most important thing about stereotypes was not to listen to them.

So, right… job at hand. He makes his way over to the Major, Eliot's voice in his head, "Be careful, Nate. There are at least two military spooks in that coffee shop."

"Aw, Eliot, man, we're in _D.C._ Every second guy here's some kinda spook." Yeah, of course Hardison would feel challenged by Eliot but he chooses to ignore their bickering. He also hopes that Sophie will be here soon to provide some distraction if those spooks Eliot saw are really on their or the Major's tail.

But as it is… she's not here yet so he has to start on his own. With perfect ease, he slides into the chair opposite the Major and can't help being a bit amused by the small flinch the moment the Major realizes he's got company. Seems like flying a desk requires different skills then flying a jet. He gives the Major a tight little smile and introduces himself, "Nate Ford, pleased to meet you, Major."

The Major doesn't quite lose his tense expression. "Major Charles Williamson, pleased to meet you, too, Mr. Ford."

Ah, yeah, he doesn't look like it but that's okay. Williamson isn't their first client serving in the Armed Forces… but yeah, admittedly, he's their first _officer_ client and their first Pentagon employee at that. It's probably understandable that the Major's still wary. He clears his throat. "So… what've you got, Major?"

Williamson runs a hand through his hair. "Do we really have to do this here? Don't get me wrong but… this isn't exactly a _secure_ surrounding." Yeah, that one totally is a desk jockey. He can't have been doing lots of field work or he'd know that public places like coffee shops are about the safest places you can get.

"You'll be fine, Major, I promise. So… we know that a few weeks ago you found some papers that appeared to be suspicious?" Or at least that's what they got from the weird Google search terms and attempts at getting information from not quite public servers that sprung up on Hardison's client search grid and brought their attention to the guy now sitting opposite him.

The man nods. "Yeah, this is about it. Listen, Mr. Ford… I have a really bad feeling about this." Yeah, he starts to get one as well. Where the hell is _Sophie_? He throws Parker, who's working as a barista, a quick look but she just shrugs and keeps on cleaning tables. Either Williamson didn't see that or he chose to ignore it, since he continues, "See… my brother in law and his fian… wife… I have a feeling they're somehow part of this and it's starting to get at me that I don't know what part exactly that _is_."

Ah, they're _finally_ getting somewhere. He nods. "Please go on, Major."

Just when Williamson opens his mouth to continue, _finally_ Sophie appears in the coffee shop, slowly making her way over to them… "We got a problem." Wow, that was fast. He can't remember ever hearing _that_ tone in Eliot's voice during the introductions. "Sophie, to your right. Guy and his friend are way too interested in Nate and the Major. Try to get them off them."

Without even missing a beat, Sophie smoothly changes her direction and manages to bump into one of the suits Eliot was warning them about and spilling her coffee all over his jacket. Immediately, she starts fussing over him and getting him and his buddy to concentrate on her. She even manages to turn them around and… "Our cue, Nate."

Alright. He really, really doesn't want to leave Sophie – and now also Parker who joined Sophie in her fussing and he's pretty sure that if the girls make it out of here, they'll have two nice pairs of wallets and cell phones to tinker with by the time they're back in their hotel suite – but he tries to tell himself that Sophie's smart enough not to get herself into trouble.

He gets up and motions Williamson to do the same thing. For a moment the Major looks at him warily, like he's trying to puzzle out if this is a trap but in the end he seems to have decided he's probably better off doing what he just told him to do. Keeping an eye on Parker and Sophie he exits the coffee shop with the Major in tow.

After a few steps they're joined by Eliot and without stopping, he turns to Williamson and motions his hand towards Eliot. "Major Williamson, meet Eliot Spencer, our… retrieval specialist."

Frowning, Williamson looks at Eliot and after another moment of distrust, he slowly nods. "Pleased to meet you. Well, I guess so, at least."

If that offended Eliot, he doesn't let it show, just nods and they walk another few steps, until Sophie gives them the all-clear and Hardison confirms that the spooks have lost them momentarily, according to the pictures from the coffee shop's video cameras that Hardison seems to enjoy way too much.

They stop two blocks away, in a small park. Williamson still looks a little nervous but strangely not as uncomfortable as he looked in that coffee shop. If anything, that man does have good instincts, especially for a desk jockey. He clears his throat. "So, Major… you were saying?"

He can see that it takes Eliot some effort not to snort at that, most of all because of the slightly incredulous face the Major just made. But then he catches himself, probably reminding himself that he's an Air Force academy graduate – among the top three of his class even – and a career soldier. "I was saying, Mr. Ford, that I'll now give you a compilation of the suspicious material I found."

Ah, very good. And yeah, the Major reaches into the backpack he'd been carrying around and pulls out a big and pretty thick manila envelope. Oh, Hardison will probably be in government conspiracy heaven for the rest of this job. He nods at Eliot and he takes the envelope from the Major. "Thank you very much, Major. Now… you have to understand… we need a way in and since you said that your brother in law and his wife are probably involved… can you tell us anything about them?"

Williamson runs a hand through his hair again, becoming much more uncomfortable again. Somehow… he gets the feeling that the Major is very aware of the fact that he's probably about to break the trust his relatives put into him. However, in the end, Williamson says, a little reluctantly, "Major Evan Lorne, USAF and Captain Laura Cadman-Lorne, USMC. Until about six months ago they were on deployment to God knows where – and trust me, it's practically impossible to find out where they were deployed to. Then they suddenly showed up stateside again, with no sensible explanation whatsoever. Oh yeah… and they are getting married in San Francisco in about a week."

That makes Eliot raise his eyebrow. "Didn't you just say that they _are_ married?"

Williamson shrugs and rolls his eyes. "Technically, yes. But it's… a long story. I just think Evan's… I mean, Major Lorne's mother and Captain Cadman-Lorne's mother weren't exactly happy with them marrying on their base, so they forced them to have one of those big, traditional military weddings. Or at least that's what my wife told me." That being Lorne's sister, apparently. Okay… he starts to see through this.

Apparently, Eliot does as well because his frown grows deeper. "Wait, they got married during deployment? That's not exactly standard procedure, is it?"

The Major shakes his head and looks very much like this isn't exactly his favorite topic to talk about. "Not exactly, no. Most of all not when the bride is directly under the groom's command." Is that… a hint of bitterness he hears there? And is that a near… horrified look on Eliot's face?

"Look, I hate to break up your little chat here… but what the hell is this all about?" Now Williamson _and_ Eliot look at him like he just appeared out of thin air. Oh, just great.

Williamson also looks like he's about to explain but Eliot barges in, "I'll explain when we get back to the hotel."

That prompts Williamson to clear his throat and rub his neck. "Yeah, Mr. Ford, Mr. Spencer… I'm sorry but I need to get going. My wife's gonna skin me alive if I'm late to dinner _again_." That _almost_ makes him grin, wondering how much of an ogre the Major's wife _really_ is… and if that kind of thing runs in the family. It would sure be nice to know it because it could make dealing with her _brother_ easier.

Also… it's very funny to see how Eliot's face momentarily contorts at Williamson calling him 'Mr. Spencer' and he decides he just found a new way to needle Eliot. But okay, concentrate on the task at hand. "Of course, Major. We will inform you of our next steps in the next two days, if that's okay for you."

Williamson seems to consider this for a moment, then nods. "Yeah, sounds good. About… about your payment…"

He makes a split decision. After his team got him out of jail, they also unfroze his assets and thanks to Hardison some of those assets earned some nice interest rates… yeah, he certainly has some money to spare. "Don't worry, Major. Let's consider this… repayment for the service the Air Force does to our country."

For a moment, it looks like Williamson is considering pulling out of this, probably because he finds it hard to believe that there are people willing to help others in a case like this without taking anything in return – or maybe because of the slight cynical undertone he couldn't keep fully out of his voice – but in the end he nods. "Thank you, Mr. Ford. I appreciate it."

With that, the Major takes his good-byes and a few minutes later he disappeared around the next corner. "Hardison…"

"I'm on it, Nate. Got two personal records here… some stuff looks hinky but can't really make anything of it yet. Too many fucking acronyms."

He looks at Eliot who just nods and then says, "I'll see what I can make of them when we're back."

And that's their cue so he rallies up the troops and tells Parker and Sophie to get back to their hotel suite. Apparently, they just got themselves a _very_ interesting case. Well… it's been kind of boring lately, anyway.

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**A/N:** And this is where Team Leverage doesn't have _any_ idea what they're getting themselves into. But I'm pretty sure they'll learn soon enough ;) Anyway, **mac** would like to let you all know that Hardison will _never _be Miracle Max because not even Miracle Max is Miracle Max. It's rather like the whole Dread Pirate Roberts thing. I think. Yeah... yeah, I think that's what she meant to say.


	3. Two

**A/N:** _So_ sorry for not updating sooner. It's all my fault for not writing the stories **mac** asks me to write, I swear. I hope she was happy enough about "so to speak" to keep betaing the chapters I throw at her...

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**Two**

"So, get anything from those files, Eliot?" Nate asks him and he frowns. He's seen some pretty strange personal records but these two… seem to top everything else. He'd been trying to make sense of them, had even tried some of the tricks he'd picked up from Hardison about online research… but so far he'd come up with almost nothing. Well, nothing that could explain the strange career change both of them undertook – the Major in 2003, the Captain in 2005 – that is.

But yeah, the team expects something from him; the team will _get_ something from him. He takes the remote and pulls the Major's file on the screen first. "Not much. The Major joined in 1990, graduated from the Air Force Academy in 1994 as one of the top three of his class," along with Williamson… and a certain other Air Force officer he used to know, as he'd noticed quite surprised but that's not of importance, anyway, "did some stints as a pilot on various bases, was deployed… Until he made Major, he was some kind of shooting star. See, he was promoted to First Lieutenant in 1996, got promoted to Captain in 1998 and got promoted to Major in 2003. But since then… no further promotions."

He takes a look around the hotel suite's seating area and finds the faces of his team members in various stages of confusion and wariness. In the end, it's Sophie who says, "Maybe he fell from someone's grace?"

Yeah… good point. He nods. "Thought so as well. The year he was promoted to Major, he got transferred to something called 'deep space telemetry', based in Colorado Springs. Hasn't been transferred out of it since then."

Hardison snorts. "Sounds like some real punishment for the flyboy."

"Yes, it does. I wonder what he did," Parker interjects and for some reason he gets the feeling that _Hardison_ meant it as a joke but _Parker_ does have an inkling as to what something like that could mean for someone who'd had the privilege of flying fighter jets. It does astound him a little that Parker of all people might be able to relate to someone so very different from her.

Giving her an appreciative look even when she's still looking intently on the screen, he continues, "Me too, mostly because he's got a Master of Science in Geology. That's about as far away from 'deep space telemetry' as the Earth is from the moon. That transfer positively did _not_ happen because of his academic qualifications."

Nate is the next one to speak up. "What about _her_?" Ah yeah, the Captain… he pulls up her file on the screen and half waits for someone to make a com…

"Oh, she looks like someone we know." Yep, there they go. And of course it had to be Parker who picked up on the likeness between the Captain and Aimée and actually _voiced_ it.

Ignoring that question – and hoping Parker will leave it alone – he tries to sound as casual as he'd sounded when he'd given them his report on the Major's files. "She got into the Corps through NROTC…" cue confused faces all around and him barely refraining from sighing, "that's the Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps. It's a training and scholarship program at colleges and universities. When the participants graduate, they have to spend a certain amount of time either in the Navy or in the Marine Corps." Ah yeah, that more or less cleared up most of the confusion… not Parker's, apparently since she just raised her hand.

Right now, though, he does _not_ want to deal with any of her questions so silently apologizing he simply goes on, "Anyway… our young Captain here enrolled at George Washington University in 1999 and graduated in 2002, being commissioned as a Second Lieutenant. She was promoted to First Lieutenant in 2005 and promoted to Captain in 2009, _after_ she got transferred to that 'deep space telemetry' thing."

Sophie bends her head a little and for a moment he's afraid she might comment on the likeness between the Captain and Aimée but she just says, "Why did they put _her_ there?"

Yeah, he'd wondered about _that_ as well. He shrugs. "No idea. Can't be because of her expertise, either. She's got a Master of Science in Chemistry and all her postings had something to do with explosives. Not exactly the kind of girl you'd put on some space research thing." And now… the final blow. "But that's not even the weirdest thing about this."

Yep, absolute incomprehension on Sophie's, Hardison's and Parker's face. Not so much on Nate's because he'd held true and had told him briefly why the Captain being married to the Major just doesn't make any sense. But yeah, let's just start at the beginning, huh? "Number one: I have never, _ever_ heard of a permanent joint operation between the USAF and the USMC before, most of all not on something space related. That's the Air Force's territory, fair and square. Second thing: according to the client the Captain is a direct subordinate to the Major. They should have never gotten the permission to marry. Hell, they should have been court-martialed the moment someone got wind of them getting a little too friendly with each other."

Parker's hand shoots up again. He rolls his eyes. "_Yes_, Parker?"

"Excuse me if I got that wrong but… they would have gotten _shot_ for sleeping with each other?" Wha… oh right. Leave it to Parker to automatically connect 'court-martial' with 'execution squad'. He resists a sigh.

"No, they wouldn't. She probably would have gotten a slap on the wrist and a demotion and he'd probably gotten a dishonorable discharge. Well, in the best of cases, anyway." And only in the _very_ best of cases. Seriously, sleeping with a subordinate… what had that guy been thinking? And what had _she_ been thinking? Maybe they'd both been banished to 'deep space telemetry' because of their stupidity or something.

And no, this whole annoyance thing doesn't have _anything_ to do with the fact that the Captain looks scarily much like Aimée and that she's married to some fighter pilot shooting star who'd gotten himself shot down – so to speak – and banned to Colorado Springs for God knows what. He's about to make a comment on the lack of brains on both their parts but Nate interferes. "Right. Is there anything else you've got on them?"

Resisting a sigh, he shakes his head. "No, not yet." At that, Nate only nods with a thoughtful look on his face and then turns to Hardison.

"Okay. You got anything on the two spooks?" Immediately, Hardison's face lights up and he tosses the hacker the remote, glad to be off the hook for now. He's quite good at digging stuff up – after all, he's a _retrieval_ specialist – but he's not really keen on having to talk more than necessary. And that presentation just felt like he'd been babbling way too much.

On the screen, documents and pictures keep popping up as Hardison rifles through his files. Then he pulls up another personal record. "Spook number one. Goes by the name of Anthony DuValle and is – according to this thing here – an agent of the DOD, just like his buddy Carl Hinston here." Another personal record shows up on the screen and he can tell just after a few moments of looking at it that both are fakes, acting as a front for something else. He considers pointing it out to the team but figures Hardison has it covered. There will be plenty of other opportunities to rile him up later, anyway.

"Doesn't say which department they work for, though. First sign there's hinky stuff going on here." Ah, dammit.

He can't help raising his eyebrow and throwing in, "Oh, you mean two spooks following an honest, hard-working Air Force officer _wasn't_ a sign that something is wrong here?" It makes Nate and Sophie roll their eyes, Hardison frown… and Parker grin, though she really tries her best not to let it show… well, much.

"I was gettin' to that, alright? I got it covered." All he does is give Hardison one of those looks that say 'Oh, I'm sure you do,' and mean 'Like hell you do.' Sadly, though, Hardison chooses to ignore it for now. "I tried to find out more through their cell phones but everything on it got wiped only minutes after you left the coffee shop. Someone's not eager to share their little secrets." Damn, another dead end. But if anything, it seems to have made Hardison really happy.

"I also tried to hack the Pentagon's servers to see if I could find anything there… but I got nothing. Not even some random e-mail or memo. It's like they don't even exist at the DOD." Which they probably don't and he's about to add it when Hardison throws him an evil look, "So I figured they either don't work for the DOD or belong to some super sekkrit department, like Area 51 or something."

"Could have told you _that_ as well." Another evil look and he can't help grinning back… but only until both Sophie and Nate clear their throats and narrow their eyes. _What_? But hey, at least Parker's having fun, like she always does when Hardison and he go at each others' throats.

"Ey, man, I'm trying to work here, okay?" He shrugs, barely holding back another grin.

Nate clears his throat again, this time a little louder. "Is there anything else you found about them?"

Hardison _almost_ sighs. "Nah. Tried to run their pictures through every data base I know but nothing came up."

"Right." Nate runs a hand through his hair and it's one of the very few moments where it shows through that the time he had to pass in jail cost him more than he usually lets on. It's as if… it made him tire earlier, made him more careful… taking his time before making a decision. He's not quite sure if he likes that, despite his worries about Nate's out-of-the-guts decisions before he got caught. "Keep working on it, though. They _have_ to turn up somewhere."

For a moment, it's silent around the table, until Sophie speaks up. "So… what do we do now?"

Again, there's silence and Nate leaning back and staring off into space just a tad too long. He catches Sophie looking at him questioningly and can't do anything else than shrug his shoulders as discreetly as possible. Then, thankfully, Nate blinks and wears that grin that's just a little bit too confident. The one he always has when a plan starts to form in his head. "So, since it looks like we won't get any further here… everyone get their flower beads ready? We're going to San Francisco."

Parker's face lights up at that and he wonders why that is but before she gets to say something, Sophie barges in, wearing a frown on her face. "Nate… please tell me we're not going to steal another wedding."

He smirks at her. "And what would be so bad about that?"

"Everyone's still reeling from your godawful speech from the last one." Hit and sunk. And he's glad Sophie got to say it before he did because in all honesty… Sophie's the only one in the team who can get away with it. Well, maybe apart from Parker but that's just because Parker still hasn't quite grasped the concept of 'if you don't have anything nice to say, better not say anything at all.'

Nate, though, seems to have recovered from that broadside amazingly fast because he just shrugs nonchalantly and replies, "Good thing, then, that I don't like recycling old plans. Now come on, I always wanted to see one of those old-fashioned formal military weddings."

He _could_ tell Nate now that _he_ had and that there's nothing special about that kind of wedding but that would mean he'd have to tell him _why_ he'd been there and that's not really the kind of thing he wants to talk about. To anyone. Ever.

So in the end, he just nods and gets up with the rest of the team to go packing. But he doesn't get very far because Parker says, her head bent a little to the side, as if she's pondering something intently, "Eliot? What's so special about a military wedding?" And she looks at him as if she _knows_ he's the person who'd know best about it… because he's got some personal experience. How the hell does she _do_ that?

For a moment, he's tempted to simply brush past her but knowing Parker… she'd just bring it up at some other random moment, until he'd finally give in and tell him so telling her _now_ is his best option. He sighs. Oh well.


	4. Three

**A/N:** Heh, 'nother chapter! **Mac** said I should slap a language warning on it so... consider it slapped. Also, remember when I posted that side trip I said could trigger problematic things? This is the chapter that refers to it (it's taking place three months later). Not really graphic content or anything but it states what happened in _Possibly the Complications_, so you might want to be careful reading it.

* * *

**Three**

"God, am I _glad_ that Charlie and Anna got here yesterday," Laura sighs and lies back in her seat, turning her profile to him, her eyes closed behind the sun shades, her face turned towards the sun. She does look a little strained and that takes him a little by surprise. Who would have thought that nearly six months of wedding preparations could be the one thing really wearing her down? Well, or at least he hopes that it was just the wedding preparations.

However, he knows she'd kick his ass if he mentioned _any_ of that at all so he keeps it at a snort and, "You mean because my mom found someone else to fuss about?" Well, at least that's the reason why _he_ is glad that his sister's family finally came down to the City.

Laura goes as far as uttering a little sigh. "Yeah, that and Toby and Felix are totally occupying _my_ mom." Oh yeah, that's true… it had been quite surprising, actually. Toby and Felix are really lively and intelligent and since the only kid to date in Laura's close family is a nine month old baby, Laura's mother had been absolutely charmed by his sister's sons. However… Laura doesn't seem to find it such a good thing because she adds, sounding glum, "On the downside… she started asking me about kids."

Ah, yeah, that probably was to be expected. But what _wasn't_ expected is the uncomfortable twitch in his stomach he feels at the not exactly happy tone in Laura's voice when she mentioned the topic of kids. Ever since her training accident three months ago and the following miscarriage he still hasn't told her about, he tries to steer clear of the issue of kids. Jennifer keeps bugging him and he knows she's _right_ but… there really hadn't been the right moment to tell her about it. And it isn't now, either. So he just says, "What did you tell her?"

She turns back to him, her eyebrows raised high enough that he can see them peaking out from behind her shades. "That it's _our_ business?"

It makes him raise his eyebrow and hold back a grin. "Not in that tone, I hope."

Now he can't see her eyes but he can very well imagine the pointed look she's giving him, saying 'Just how stupid do you think I am?' and yeah, she says, "Gee, it's not like I have a _death wish_."

Uh-huh, right. "Said the woman who gets turned on by blowing stuff up."

She takes off the shades and glares at him. "I do _not_…" Another raised eyebrow from him and a pointed look. A grumble from her. "Okay, maybe a little."

That makes him grin and wishing just a little they weren't in a public place but somewhere secluded; somewhere he could doze away this hot summer afternoon with her and maybe… get on to other activities when it's not _quite_ as hot anymore. However, they're still in a very public café. But the least he can do is smirk and reply, "I _knew_ it. Ah, the possibilities…"

For a moment it looks like Laura is about to kick him under the table or do something else that would hurt but then… oh God, how he loves that wicked grin. And how he _longs_ for that private secluded place now. "Just remember: no government property involved. Paperwork would be a _bitch_."

Okay… okay, find something else to talk about. Something that doesn't involve him picturing their bed on Atlantis, sheets rumbled, sea breeze wafting in, sun dancing over Laura's naked body… He clears his throat. "Good point." Yeah, Laura looks very much like she knows _exactly_ what's going on in his head at the moment. Time to give them both a cold shower. "Oh, regarding bitches… is it just me or was Charlie kind of… twitchy yesterday?"

She rolls her eyes and puts on the shades again, turning her face back towards the sun. He really hopes she didn't forget the sunscreen because sun and Laura's skin don't really like each other. But then again… more sun means more freckles. And freckles on Laura's skin equal… "Isn't he always kind of twitchy when he's around us?"

Right. Back to the topic at hand. And yeah, it _is_ something that's been bothering him. He shakes his head. "Not like that, no. Tom said something in that direction as well." Actually, Tom said something like 'I think we should ask Keller if she could dislodge that stick he's got up his ass… it's really getting worse,' but it's not necessary to give Laura the exact wording.

She snorts, though, as if she could imagine very well what he said. "Tom just wanted to be an ass again." Probably. And probably he nailed the issue right on the head.

Which is the reason why he admonishes her, "Laura!"

She gives him a pointed and somewhat exasperated look. Or at least he thinks she did, priding himself in knowing her well enough to recognize that even with her wearing shades. "What?"

He shakes his head. This is getting more serious than he thought it would because dammit, didn't she _see_ it? "Something's _wrong_ with Charlie and I have a bad feeling it's got something to do with us."

She takes off her shades again, now serious as well. "Evan, seriously… nothing's wrong with Charlie and of course he wasn't comfortable around us. Would _you_ be, in his stead?"

Well… "No… okay, I wouldn't. But… trust me, Laura, this is beyond his usual squeamishness around us. Something's just…" He shakes his head again. Indeed, Charlie had acted pretty strange yesterday. Somehow… _evasive_. Like there had been something on his mind he couldn't share and at first he'd though that there was something wrong with Anna or the kids but _they_ had seemed absolutely normal… and the strange behavior had increased tenfold every time they'd started to get into a real conversation.

But suddenly… exhaustion and irritation are visible very plainly on Laura's face and very noticeable in her voice. "Evan… could we please not talk about this now?" His first impulse is to snap back, accusing her of being selfish but the weariness stays on in her voice and on her face and he remembers the dozen or so phone calls she gets every day; from her mother or even his mother and the pack of wedding planners they foisted on them and a million other people.

And he also remembers that the only reason that she's sitting here now and _didn't_ have to go through months of recovery was that they had access to SGC and Tok'ra technology and that the picture of her lying in that bed has been accompanying him every day and most of all every night since the accident happened and he feels very, _very_ sorry that he lets himself be dragged into work so often and thus can avoid it all so easily. She rubs a hand over her eyes. "Just… for a few more hours. I promise we'll talk about it but I just… I feel like I'm going insane right now and I just…"

He puts his hand on top of hers and squeezes it, mentally promising he'll not leave almost all the planning to her anymore. And to _finally_ find someone who can keep their mothers off her back. "It's okay, Laura. Sorry for… you know… I just…"

She sighs and squeezes back, even giving him a little brave smile. "It's okay, Evan. Part of this _is_ my fault. After all, I _could_ have asked for your help."

Yeah, she could have. And he could have taken a closer look _months_ ago… for example in the weeks of her recovery after the training accident. He did do his best to shield her from her mother's worry – he perfectly understood her mother but he also knew something _ugly_ would happen if he let her get too close to Laura and he values peace in his domestic life more than the peace of mind of Laura's mother – and got everyone else who wanted something from her that was wedding related off her back by simply telling them to shut up but… he didn't actually do anything about the _planning_.

But yeah… at least they didn't get into a _huge_ fight before they both realized their mistakes. That really _is_ a big step forward. He gives her a tight little smile of his own. "Still, I'm sorry. So… what _do_ you want to talk about?"

She leans back again, letting go of his hand but not taking hers away… it's close enough that their fingertips are still touching. "Oh, I don't know… um… zero-gravity sex?" Right. That's payback. _Bitch_ of a payback, actually. Because… oh God, the images.

He clears his throat. "_Excuse_ me?"

Innocently, she smiles at him. "What? That was the first thing that came to my mind."

Yeah, uh-huh, right. Of course. "Zero-gravity sex was the first random topic that came to your mind when I asked you what you wanted to talk about to stop you from going insane?"

"Yeah. What's so bad about it?" Well, for example all those images in his head… even though he knows that technically it's impossible anyway. But no one ever said zero-gravity… _cuddling_ was impossible.

A little exasperated, he shakes his head, hoping no one here was listening in on their conversation… not even that blond girl there on the next table who just bent down to pick something up beside Laura's handbag. He's not sure but it did look like she'd perked up just for a very short moment at the mentioning of 'zero-gravity sex'. "It's just… sometimes I really… Jesus fucking Christ."

Unfortunately, seeing his obvious discomfort does nothing to diminish Laura's interest in the topic. Instead… it seems to _increase_ it, if anything. "So, have you ever... you know..."

Right. "Have I ever… _what_?"

Now it's _her_ turn to blush and that's _definitely_ not a sudden case of sunburn. "Um... trieditoutImean."

Wha… how the hell… why does… holy _crap_. He clears his throat again and tries to appear absolutely unfazed. "Right. Uh. You do know that it's impossible, right?"

Damn. Wrong thing to say because the wicked gleam is back and… oh the things it does to his… body. "Oh, so you did try it?"

"That's _not_ what I said. 'Sides... that's public knowledge," he adds and tries to look smug.

"Really? And here I was told in college that real science meant _not_ believing in something just because everyone says so." Argh, no. Why in hell did he think marrying a woman as evil as her would be a good idea? She _knows_ he's got a mountain of paper work in front of him when they get back to Atlantis – how that could accumulate when they're still sitting in the San Francisco bay exactly where they landed six months ago is still beyond him but that's not the point now – and that he won't get to do anything else than going through it for at least two more hours. And having those… _thoughts_ of her in his head will _not_ help in speeding up the process.

He's about to answer but suddenly the blond girl turns around and for a moment, she looks at him, as if she knew _exactly_ who he is and what he does for a living but then it's gone and only an oddly curious expression remains. "You know," she says and it sounds like she'd been part of the conversation the whole time and didn't just barge in, "you two sound like you could actually try that zero-gravity sex thing for real."

Wha… where did _that_ come from? Laura apparently thought the same because she turns to the girl and glares at her. "Excuse me, miss? Do we _know_ each other?"

The blonde shakes her head and gives them one of those grins that include squeezing your eyes and scrunching your nose for a moment and usually look fake. But with her… for some reason it looks _real_ and so does the cheerful tone sound when she says, as if it's the most natural thing in the world, "Nah, just thought I'd ask. Sounds totally like fun. Maybe we could…" '_We?_', he wants to ask, but she just goes on, "organize one of those… what are they called…"

"Vomit comets?" Laura helpfully supplies, sounding a little irritated but now he feels challenged by her. Vomit comet. Seriously? _Seriously_?

"Us pilots prefer the term C9-B," he just _has_ to add and he just _knows_ that if it weren't for that strange girl Laura would launch into an all out snark war.

But yeah, the blonde is still there. She perked up again as Laura insulted the fear-inspiring C9-B. "Yeah, one of those. Mh, I bet Eliot would totally… or maybe not." Huh, strange. He could have _sworn_ she just paused a moment because she heard something… but it's gone too fast and suddenly, she gets up, saying, "Oh, sorry, gotta go. Bye, guys." With that she almost _skips_ away and if he didn't know better he'd say she mumbled something like "You can be such a _spoilsport_."

Shaking his head he turns back to Laura, not really liking the look on her face… as if she got a little spooked by this as well. "What the hell was _that_ about?" he asks her but only gets a shrug from her and a frown.

"No idea. But there was _definitely_ something wrong with _her_," she answers only half in jest and not really looking comfortable anymore, she takes up her handbag and rummages around in it. "Come on," she says and keeps rummaging around, "we gotta…" and the rummaging stops as a look that's partly annoyed, partly shocked creeps on her face, "Where the hell's my purse?" Oh just great. Just. Fucking. Great.

"Laura?" The annoyance grows.

"I can't believe… this is just… now I also have to cancel the credit cards and do all the stupid paper work and stuff and… Oh. Fuck." That doesn't sound good. That doesn't sound good _at all_.

He frowns. "What's the matter?"

She runs a hand over her face and rests her head on the hand bag for a moment. Then she straightens up again and takes a _deep_ breath. Uh-oh. "My cell phones are gone as well. _Both_ of them." Which means… that the one that's got all the important numbers – as in NORAD, DOD and SGC important – is gone as well. How the… "Yeah, I'm wondering about _that_ as well. I don't… It was _hidden_ in there. As in slipped into a secret pouch that couldn't be sliced or found or… _dammit_." If he ever saw her close to panicking it's _definitely_ now. He can see how the magnitude of this is unfolding before her inner eye and he even thinks he detected hints of a beginning hyperventilation so he signals for the waitress to come over.

"Laura," he says but she doesn't focus on him so he repeats it, this time a little more forcefully, "Laura! Hey, look at me. It's gonna be fine, okay?" He can see how she literally pulls herself together, taking a deep breath and straightening up again.

"Right. Yes. Of course." She doesn't sound quite convinced yet but he's pretty sure she's already trying to trace back every step she took since she last reassured herself that the important phone was still there in her head and that she's analyzing the situation, trying to come up with a solution.

He nods and the waitress finally comes up. He pays and Laura and he don't waste time to get up and leave the café. He knows Laura always does her best thinking when she's moving so he just falls into step with her when she nearly strides away from the café. After a few steps in silence, she turns to him and he's surprised to see a smirk on her face, when she says, "You know what? I just realized… for the first time in three months I have a very valuable excuse why I couldn't return _anyone's_ phone calls. Turns out it was a _very_ good idea not to give them your number, as well."

That… makes him grin, at least a little relieved. At least she still kept her sense of humor so things can't be _that_ bad. He grins back. "Yeah but… you know that the coven still has my number, right?" It gets him an amused little laugh and an attempt at a scolding look from Laura. Yeah, okay, he really should quit calling the little… circle their mothers and a few other female relatives had formed as the preparations for the wedding had progressed had formed 'the coven' but really… there's no other word for it.

"Oh, but unfortunately, you forgot your phone at home today, you know." Oh right, of course he did. "Okay, so… lets get to work, huh?" Laura adds and without further ado he hands her the phone he 'forgot at home' and she starts making the calls. Tonight, he thinks, he'll _really_ make up to her for all the stuff he let her deal with in the last six months; the training accident, wedding preparations _and_ the occasional – no scratch that, the _frequent_ – missions for the SGC for both of them included.


	5. Four

**A/N:** Yes, a second one! Didn't think I'd post more than one, would you? Ha, gotcha! ;)

PS.: I still have a couple of chapters (twelve or something *coughs) in the buffer for **mac** (and you, that is) and erm... no, I'm not done with it yet. Yes, I'm trying to change that. Really.

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**Four**

She wonders if it'll ever change. And why they actually _do_ that. Ever since she'd been back from her little foray and had handed Hardison Captain Aimée's cell phones and purse and Eliot had come in from a day of scouting the base the Major and the Captain are supposed to be stationed at only a few minutes later, they're bickering at each other.

"What do you mean, you didn't get anything? You walked me through a US Army interrogation and the barracks without even being _there_." Eliot just glares back.

Then he growls, "I never said I didn't get inside." She wonders how he did that… with his long hair and everything. She doesn't know much about the military but she _does_ know that they have to keep their hair very, very short.

"What then? Got distracted by some hottie in uniform?" It earns Hardison one of those glares Eliot usually reserves for her and she debates whether to try and give Hardison a warning… but decides against it because as long as they keep bickering, they leave her alone to ponder a few things.

Those two… the Major with the blue-grey eyes and the Captain that looked a lot like Aimée… they intrigued her. After working with the team for over two years now, she's used to screwed up individuals as well as screwed up relationships – they probably don't think she's capable of noticing it but she does know very well that whatever is going on between Nate and Sophie is _not_ what you'd call a _healthy_ relationship – but what she's _not_ used to is two screwed up individuals… who can have a not-screwed up relationship.

They think she doesn't know people but she does. She just doesn't always get them. And after Sophie taught her how to do it, she developed a good instinct to recognize other people who aren't quite your usual standard model citizen even though they look like it. Those two soldiers? Prime Grade A screwed up material.

She could see it in the lines around the Major's eyes and how he always seemed to be on guard, even in a place like some café on the sidewalk. And she could see it in the way the Captain's hands never really stilled, how they were always moving, using the wind in the hair as an excuse… or how she always seemed like a coiled up spring, ready to jump up the moment someone made a wrong move.

So yes… those two really _are_ screwed up. But for some strange reason she can't explain their _relationship_ didn't seem to be. It almost seems like a miracle to her because everything around her had taught her that screwed up people only could have screwed up relationships where they did terrible things to each other and still couldn't walk away from each other which is why she secretly decided she would never, _ever_ let herself be thrust into something like that.

But the Captain and the Major… they… _trusted_ each other, deeply. She can't even explain why she thinks so but they practically _oozed_ trust. And they seemed to know each other so well and still were together. For her, getting to _know_ people always ended up with her wanting to withdraw from them, cut herself off from them – the only people who don't let her do that are her team but the level of _knowing_ isn't half as deep as it seemed between the soldiers. It's really a riddle to her how they managed to do all that and so she sits there and ponders it and…

"Man, I really don't get it." She blinks and her head jerks up a little. Over at the apartment's kitchen table, Eliot and Hardison are still trying to make sense of the items she stole from Captain Aimée.

Hardison just goes on ranting and shaking his head but Eliot… Eliot seems to have noticed something because he suddenly looks at her and raises his eyebrow, as if to ask her what she's doing there, sitting cross-legged on the coffee table, staring off into space. She just gives him one of those pointed looks from beneath her bangs that seem to fluster him and like every time, it works. He goes back to listening to an irate Hardison… but she's got the feeling that he's still very much aware of her being in the room, in that silent predatory way of his that always flusters _her_.

Hardison, however, is still bent over the laptop, shaking his head. "Deep space telemetry… That girl's a kick ass Marine, explosives specialist, married to some hot shot pilot in the same project and it's supposed to be _deep space telemetry_?" At first she hadn't really understood what the whole problem was so she had – just for once not in the mood to bother Eliot or Hardison – quietly Googled the term and then everything had made infinitely more sense. Well, actually it had made sense that nothing made sense.

However… there comes something to her mind… something from the conversation she had overheard, just when her fingers had made their way into the Captain's handbag. Something that could probably help. And she really likes to help Hardison because, you know, he's her friend. Also… she wants to get back at Eliot for cutting her idea about the thing the Major had called C-9B short. "They were talking about zero-gravity sex."

For a moment, everything is quiet as both Eliot and Hardison stare at her, one with a frown on his face, the other with open shock. It's Hardison who finds his voice first – even though it's probably Eliot who recovers from the shock first, judging by the slight smirk on his face – and who sputters, "Wha… Parker! I really didn't… Parker!"

She… doesn't quite get what his problem is. No, okay, that's a lie. She knows _exactly_ what his problem is – for some reason, the overconfident Hardison she knows and likes becomes a babbling fool whenever she mentions sex – but she doesn't really see why he did it just _now_. After all, she was just stating a fact from a conversation between two people who were basically strangers. Maybe… she needs to clarify it a bit. "I _mean_ they were talking about it as if they could actually _try_ it."

There's another moment of silence and then Hardison utters a slightly incredulous "…really?"

Uh, yeah, that's what she just said, isn't it? She can't help looking at them like something is wrong with _them_ when she replies, "Really."

Eliot's only reaction is leaning back in his seat, his expression changing into the one he always wears when something got him thinking but Hardison just mutters, "Oh man... there's some _really_ hinky shit going on here," sounding strangely excited and somewhat… happy. Huh.

And just because she _now_ feels like bothering Eliot and Hardison, she bends her head a little and adds a little off-handedly, "Yeah. I wonder if they'd let me try as well."

Hardison is choking on that, just a little bit while Eliot just rolls his eyes and she half awaits the usual "There's something wrong with you," but then she realizes… he just rolled his eyes at _Hardison_. For _her_… he has a… smirk? Grin? _Suggestive_ grin? No better not think about it.

"Uh, yeah… oh, hey, look, credit card!" And with that Hardison practically _dives_ for the Captain's purse and fumbles the first credit card he can get out of it. It takes him about… 30 seconds of furiously hacking away on his keyboard to get his mind off her remark. And it seems to have worked _very_ well. "Holy… aw, no, man… I don't… that can't… She has a nearly seven figure bank account! _Seven figures_!" She perks up. Money talk! Oh, she can do money talk very well. Hardison, however, can't stop shaking his head. "Do you know what kind of pay Marine Corps Captains make?"

"Yeah," Eliot almost growls, "crap pay." Now they really have her interested. She gets up from the coffee table and walks over to them, peering over Hardison's shoulder. And yes, there it is… a really big number.

"I think the Captain will be my new best friend," she can't help utter and grins.

Hardison looks up to her, a mock injured look on his face, clutching his heart. "Aw, you wound me, Parker. You'd leave me for a fistful of dollars?" Did he really just ask that? "Sides I got more than just those measly little bucks on there." Yes, that sounds more like it. And she really likes the crooked little smile he gives her because that's easier to handle than the flustered reactions when she mentions anything having to do with sex.

She wants to give something back but Eliot barges in, still that underlying growl in his voice, "Get me her paychecks."

Immediately, Hardison becomes annoyed again. "Ey, when I said that there is no blueprint fairy, I also meant there is no _paycheck_ fairy."

She half expects Eliot to bitch back but he's in one of those moods where something is too important to lose time with bickering. "I _said_ get me her paychecks, at least of the last seven months, better more."

For a moment, it looks like Hardison will talk back but then it seems to have registered that Eliot just gave him a challenge and if she knows one thing about Hardison it's that he really, really _likes_ challenges. "Anything special you're looking for?"

They're now both in professional mode again; no bickering, just concentrated cooperation. "Not yet. But look at her income. It all adds up but there's only one big source: the DOD. Paycheck's the key to this, trust me."

Hardison is hacking away on the keyboard again and windows are popping open and getting closed on his screen at breakneck speed. She can hear him curse softly under his breath and catches one or two _really_ foul assumptions about the parentage of… someone or something that is connected to the windows on the screen.

After a little more hacking and cursing he shakes his head and says, "Hell no. I don't believe this. Her paychecks are _classified_."

Eliot frowns. "Classified?"

"Yeah. As in 'not free for all'. As in 'top secret.' As in…" Uh-oh, that certainly is _not_ the right answer to Eliot's question.

Mh, yeah, she was right, as evident now in the look of barely tamped down irritation on Eliot's face. "I know the definition of classified, _thanks_. Just wondering… who'd want to classify a _paycheck_? And _why_?" Oh, she could give him a few reasons… but he doesn't look to be in the mood for her rattling them all off. "Anyway, keep working on it," he adds but it's unnecessary because Hardison has gone into his geek mode and she gets up to get him some of that awful orange stuff he likes to drink and some chips because she knows he has a habit of not leaving the laptop as long as he hasn't solved whatever needs to be solved.

While she does that, Eliot starts talking on the phone, apparently telling Nate – who stayed behind in D.C. with Sophie to do some additional research that has to do with the papers the blond Major gave them – about what they found out so far. It's a rather brief call and Eliot doesn't really look satisfied when he's done… but then he spots something on the table and his face lights up again.

She waits for him to grab it and… oh, it's the scrap of paper they found in the Captain's purse. It has a San Francisco address on it, not that far away from here… ah, she thinks she's starting to get what made Eliot's face light up. And yeah… "Hey, Parker… you up for a little housebreaking?" Yes, thank God, _exactly_ what she was hoping for. Without even giving him an answer she just checks one last time that Hardison has everything he needs and will be okay for the time they're gone and then gets her basic tools. She's out the door before Eliot even got to tell Hardison that they'll be gone for a while.


	6. Five

**A/N: **OMGWTF a new chapter :D Let's all thank **mac** that she found a spot in her schedule to allow for betaing \o/ Okay, so, without further ado, here you go :)

* * *

**Five**

If he wouldn't look so… exasperated, it would almost be funny, she decides. Because she really can't remember ever having seen Eliot so… irate over something ever before. He's sitting at the kitchen table, looking at the screen of Hardison's laptop, scrolling up and down, constantly shaking his head and scowling at the screen, muttering a single, "You've _gotta_ be kidding me," once.

Not really daring to approach him – he has this kind of scowl on his face that he only wears when someone is refusing to give up and apparently just begging for another round of… punishment – she clears her throat and leans over to the man next to her. "Nate," she says, careful not to raise her voice too much, "what exactly is he _doing_ there?"

Nate just cocks his head to the side and regards Eliot with a curious look. Then he decides on, "Damned if I know." Yes, of course. Uh-huh.

Does he really think she believes him? She tries one of her patented "You can fool everyone but _me_." looks and for a moment, Nate manages to resist. Impressive, she thinks. Prison must have taught him more than he admits. But well… in the end he breaks down, just like always. He heaves a sigh and admits, "Look, I really have no idea. How about… we _ask_ him?"

She's tempted to say 'How about _you_ ask him?' but she never liked playing the bitch when she was grifting and she dislikes being it in real life even more, so she just walks up to Eliot and braces herself to ask, "Did you find something interesting?"

Eliot's first reaction… is not to be startled, and that somehow startled _her_, even though she really should be used to Eliot _never_ being startled by now. His second reaction is deepening his scowl and shaking his head. "Interesting is _one_ way to describe it."

That… sounds promising, doesn't it? Nate at least seems to think so as well, because he just came up after her and adds, "Care to share it with the class, Eliot?"

"Nah, he doesn't," Hardison's voice comes from the corner in the living room where he and Parker are sitting hunched over another laptop, two cell phones on the coffee table In front them.

"He didn't want to share with _us_, anyway," Parker helpfully supplies and then goes back to tinkering with one of the cell phones. Does she see a pout on her face?

Eliot, however, doesn't look up from the screen but growls into the general direction of Hardison and Parker, "That's because you two were busy prank calling the DOD."

At that, Nate doesn't say anything – and she doesn't either. They just look at Hardison, both with basically the same expression – raised eyebrows and a kind of… parental curiosity – and she finds that a little… disconcerting. However, it's really worth the absolutely _flustered_ look on Hardison's face. "I… ah… we didn't… I mean, it wasn't _prank_ calling."

Parker grins. "Yes, it was."

Oh, and this is where it starts to become _really_ interesting. So interesting, in fact that Hardison doesn't only say, "You… ah… Parker! I only said 'call them and see who answers' not 'call them and moan into the receiver' or something!" but Eliot also finally stops staring at the screen and instead stares at Parker now.

"Please tell me you _didn't_…"

"Nah, didn't moan." There's a collective silent sigh going through the apartment… well, until Parker says, "Just told them there was some suspicious truck opposite their front door." At this, everyone stares at Parker but she _looks_ like she doesn't have a clue what's the matter. "What? What's the problem?"

Instead of an answer, Nate just takes up the remote and switches on the telly, a pointed look on his face. And yeah… there's CNN running, showing live footage from the Pentagon, with the announcer telling the audience that after a bomb threat via phone they cordoned off a wide area around the building and are conducting a large scale search. Parker's only reaction is a wide grin that tells them very clearly that she knows _exactly_ what's the problem.

As much as she knows she should scold Parker… she just can't. It's too nice to see that expression of glee on her face, the eyes blazing and the grin bright. It's interesting, she thinks that no one has mentioned that there's something wrong with Parker yet as well. Instead, after a shocked second, there's amusement all around; almost hidden in Nate's and Eliot's case, openly in Hardison's.

In the end, it's Nate who clears his throat and says, "Alright, was there any good reason at all as to _why_ you two had to call the DOD?"

"Uh, yeah, actually, there was. See, the Captain had two cell phones in her bag. First one… trivial. Friends, family, fellow soldiers… boring as hell." Mh, it's starting to become interesting. She takes a seat on the couch, pointedly _not_ paying any attention at Nate who's sitting down beside her, even though she can see him gesture towards Hardison to go on from the corner of her eyes. "_But_ the second one is a reeeal beauty. She played a little hard to get but she was pretty talkative in the end."

Did she just hear Eliot mumble "Get to the fucking _point_," from his place at the kitchen table? _Hardison_, however, either hasn't heard it or chose to ignore it because he continues, "See, all the numbers on speed dial have ordinary names assigned to them… but I checked them. _None_ of them add up. Most people here don't even exist and those that do have other numbers."

"So you decided to try a few?" she asks and Hardison nods.

"Yeah. And guess what we got so far? The DOD, NORAD… and some number I thought where they were prank calling _us_. Homeworld Security. They've gotta be _kidding_ us." She frowns. Isn't it Home_land_ Security?

Nate seems to be thinking the same and fawns his hand. "Did you find anything on this Homeworld Security thing?"

Hardison shakes his head. "Nah. We were working on that when you came in. But I think Eliot found something interesting."

On that cue, everyone turns around to Eliot who doesn't look exactly happy but still closes the laptop and comes over. He hands it to Hardison. Without a word, their hacker connects the laptop with the telly and moments later a mass of documents appears on the screen.

At first it looks just like a gaggle of letters and numbers but then Eliot rearranges them and starts to explain, "See the big one in the middle?" Nate and she nod. "That's the Captain's latest account balance. She's spending a _lot_ on wedding planners and other wedding stuff but aside from that… not many expenses. And even despite the wedding stuff she's got almost a seven figure amount of money on there." Yes, she can see _that_.

A quick overview tells her that it's going to be a _very_ big wedding and she starts to become interested in this woman. Not in her money or her rank or whatever secret government… _thing_ she is part of. Just in the person and she starts hoping that they won't ask her to grift her because that would keep her from actually getting to know the Captain.

"Since most of that income comes from the DOD, I asked Hardison to get me her paychecks." Another document appears, again full of numbers and acronyms that make no sense to her. "That one's from before they got back stateside. This one here's so called base pay. It's what every officer of her rank and time in service makes. Not much, as you can see. And it's not the interesting part, anyway. That's in the additional payments." She thinks she's starting to understand what this is about… and why it's so strange. "No allowances as far as I can see… but look at this: hazardous duty pay. Those figures? Totally off the chart."

He pulls up another document, this time a table full of numbers. He points to one of them, labeled 'HDIP (Parachute, Flight Deck, Demolitions & Others)'. "See, that's the hazard pay a Captain usually gets. And _this_ is what _Captain Cadman-Lorne_ makes." With that, there's the Captain's paycheck again and… yes, that _is_ a _lot_ more than it says on the chart. "And it's the same with Hostile Fire Pay and Sea Pay. There's also something called 'Out of Area Pay' and I've never heard of _that_ before. Usually, HDIP, HFP and Sea Pay cover everything deployment related." Okay… Eliot just lost her in acronym land, she's sure of that. "Seriously, wherever they're deployed to… it must be off this planet because there's no country on Earth that could warrant _that_ much of 'Out of Area Pay'." He shakes his head again… and then adds as an afterthought a muttered, "Okay, maybe North Korea. But that's really the only one."

It's quiet for a moment as everyone seems to try and digest what Eliot just told them. But all she can come up with is that it doesn't make any sense at all and that they could be onto something _big_ here. Something… that could be dangerous. As in 'life threatening they can make you disappear and no one will remember you ever existed' dangerous.

She wants to say something in that direction but Nate beats her to it. "Alright, so we have a cell phone with obscure numbers on speed dial and a Captain in the Marine Corps who makes some _real_ money from her job." He pauses and shakes his head. "I'm not sure what's the weirder thing here." Then he clears his throat and slips back into mastermind mode. "Alright… Eliot, you and Parker also went to their place, didn't you?"

Eliot nods but it's Parker who speaks up, "Yeah and it's a phony place." Nate just raises his eyebrow and she feels compelled to go on. "They have furniture and everything but you can see they don't live in it. Almost no personal items, nothing in the drawers or wardrobes… and lots of dust. Definitely not their living place."

This becomes stranger by the minute. Add it to the things she found out with Nate in Washington… she clears her throat. "I think… we might want to consider pulling out."

At this… they all suddenly stare at her as if she just arrived from Mars. What, she wants to ask and stare back equally uncomprehending but suddenly Eliot's cell rings. He takes the call and listens for a moment, then simply says, "Stay where you are," and gets up. To them, he just frowns and almost growls, "Williamson's in trouble." And with that, he's out of the apartment, leaving them behind almost gaping.

Alright… obviously pulling out will have to wait just for a moment longer. Nate apparently seems to think the same because after another shocked second, he turns back to the remaining rest of the team and says, "So… about what Sophie and I found out… Eliot, listen because you'll need it…"


	7. Six

**A/N:** Look, another one! And I think there's even something that could be called plot development in here \o/ Also, **mac** was actually right. Charlie does have a pretty cussy head...

* * *

**Six**

He knew he was in trouble the moment he spotted them coming towards him. The two guys in suits weren't the same that had been lurking in the coffee shop in D.C. but – and it had surprised him a little that apparently Spencer had been _right_ about that – there had been a certain _something_ about them that had told him they were trouble. Unfortunately, there hadn't been any way to get away from them without being noticed – or without Anna becoming suspicious of something not being right since she'd _never_ swallow his change of mind to accompany her to buy shoes for the wedding after all.

So then they'd come up and asked him if he was Major Charles Williamson. He'd told them yes of course, always trying to keep a safe distance and keep an eye on both of them but the moment they told him they were agents of the Department of Homeland Security and were here to escort him to their local office for questioning he'd been much too shocked to keep up his vigilance.

He _had_ been able to try and look for escape routes because as proper and polite as they had been he'd sensed immediately that "questioning" was just a euphemism for something much uglier. His only advantage had been that they'd still been out in the open, surrounded by people and in a flash he'd remembered that Ford had sent him Spencer's number and under the pretense of calling his wife to tell her not to worry, he'd called Spencer… who'd just told him to stay where he was.

Unfortunately, the two guys in suits hadn't wanted to go with that and from one moment to the next one of them had produced a gun and gestured for the next back alley… where they're standing now, their guns pointed at him and him wondering in a remote corner of his mind if this is a sick joke on God or the universe's part. Several deployments to not so friendly corners of the world and the place where he dies is a dirty back alley in San Francisco?

"I'll ask you a few questions now, Major, and if you answer them willingly and truthfully… we'll make it look like an armed robbery. Would spare your wife and kids the humiliation of you being exposed as a threat to national security, you know," the suit who's apparently in the lead says and he feels bile rising in his throat. A threat to national security? He? Major Charles Williamson, who's been a decorated and dedicated officer for 16 years now? Also, the mention of his wife and children causes an ice cold lump to form in his stomach, making him sick with a sudden fear of what they could do to _them_.

There's an answer begging to get out – something that Moore or his new sister-in-law or even Evan might say – but he can keep it back because the first thing he taught himself at the Air Force Academy had been the ability to keep unpopular opinions to himself when something important – like his life or those of his family for example – is on the line.

The suit just calmly keeps pointing his gun at him. "I'm waiting, Major Williamson. I have strict orders to get my answers from you in a timeframe that's rapidly shrinking. But maybe it'll help to convince you that we have a another team following your wife. Right now, they're staying away from her but if you don't talk…"

"Not on my watch, you idiot." What the…? Where the hell…? Laura? Evan?

He blinks. Part of his brain registers that suddenly his brother and sister in law are beating up the mysterious suits… and kind of having fun at it, at least on Laura's part. But the other part has enormous difficulties to comprehend what the _hell_ they're doing here… and also where the hell Spencer is.

Dammit… he _knows_ he should be doing something – it's not like he doesn't know how to use his hands and feet in unarmed combat, after all – but something keeps him rooted to the spot as he watches Evan and Laura beat the crap out of the suits. Well, that is, until one of them suddenly – how the hell could that _happen_? – has his hand around Laura's throat her pressed against the wall with her back.

She's really putting up a fight and it occurs to him that the fact that she's a _soldier_ and a _Marine_ never really made it into his head until now. But apparently, there are limits even to her fighting skills because the suit just doesn't let go of her. And Evan still… "Dammit, I told you to _stay where you are_."

Oh right, _now_ Spencer appears on the scene. And who the hell does he think he is, accusing _him_ of not keeping to his orders? Somehow… the irritation about that _finally_ spurs him into action and he charges at the man holding Laura by her throat. He grips the suit's shoulders, hard, and yanks him away from her, using his foot to add some force… and thankfully it was enough to distract him that he lets go of her. With another pull he yanks him around… where the suit falls straight into Evan's fist.

A few feet away, Spencer just finished the second suit off and even though Laura does look a little… disheveled – he's sure she really wouldn't appreciate that term 'like hell' – she didn't waste time and retrieved both the guns that had been pointed at him just a few minutes before. There's a very short moment between Evan and her that he only notices because he'd been looking at the right time when they reassured each other with a tiny nod that both of them are unharmed and then Laura tosses Evan the second gun.

He catches it with a kind of ease that makes him just a little bit jealous and then… wait. Evan's suddenly pointing the damn thing at _Spencer_… who, just for a very short moment, looks like that actually surprises him. What the… "Face against the wall, feet apart, hands where I can see them. Laura…"

Uh, no, this is not going the right way. He clears his throat. "Evan, this isn't what it looks…"

Evan doesn't even look at him, only snorts and gestures towards Laura. "Oh, I'm sure it is. Laura, go over…"

Now Spencer looks like he's already fed up with the whole game. Very slowly, he raises his hands and says, "Hey, easy, flyboy. I'm one of the _good_ guys." Oh. Not exactly a _clever_ move, judging from the look on Evan's face.

"The hell you are," he snaps back in a tone that tells him just _how_ lucky he is to have Evan on _his_ side. It occurs to him that he has never seen Evan in full battle mode before – not even at the drills at the Academy – and that it's something he isn't sure he likes seeing.

He clears his throat again and adds a _lot_ more force to his words, "Evan, he's telling the _truth_."

Again, Evan isn't looking at him when he replies, sounding just a little irritated, "Charlie, could you please…" And then he does a double-take and now _does_ turn around. "Wait, what?" The amazing thing, he registers in a corner of his mind, is that _Evan_ might have turned away from the presumed hostile and that his gun is lowered just a little but that _Laura_'s full attention is still on Spencer, automatically shifting her position so she can cover Evan better, should Spencer try anything.

But, well, there are much more important issues that need to be addressed right now. He clears his throat again. "He's telling the truth. I kind of… hired him. Well, his team actually."

Disbelief and confusion are plastered all over Evan's face… and the battle mode is almost switched off. He can't see Laura relaxing but he hasn't known her for as long as he has known Evan so he can't really tell. And why does Spencer keep shifting her glances that look just a bit different from the usual 'keeping tabs on the person that's pointing a gun at you' look? "You… _what_? What the _hell_ is going on here?"

Okay. Right. He probably screwed up. _Big_ time. Because he realizes that… he now has to tell Evan about the records he gave Ford and the papers about totally screwed up spending records and all the other irregularities he found disturbing… Well. No guts, no glory. "I… uh… Evan, this is Eliot Spencer…"

"Retrieval specialist," Spencer helpfully supplies.

However, that did nothing to improve Evan's mood… but apparently Laura is starting to find _something_ amusing here. "You hired a _thief_?"

The scowl on Spencer's face says very bluntly that he did _not_ like _that_. "Which part of _retrieval_ didn't you get?"

But before Evan and Spencer can actually go at each other's throats, Laura feels the need to make herself known. "Hey, guys, I really don't want to interrupt your very intellectually challenging conversation and everything but… we got two suits on the floor that just tried to kill an honest, hardworking Major of the United States Air Force. I for my part would be very interested in the _why_, you know."

He's just _this_ short of thanking her for the whole "honest, hardworking" thing but after another moment of eyeing Spencer warily, Evan takes down his gun and Laura follows suit. Still a little guarded, Spencer crouches down beside the suit that he downed and starts methodically searching him. After another few minutes they have: a cell phone, a wallet, a badge and a taser. Spencer looks up but Evan just raises his eyebrows expectantly and… why does he have the feeling that this is _exactly_ how he looks at junior officers that still have to prove that they belong under his command?

Laura now also has stepped up to them and again it fascinates him how Evan and she communicate with a minimum of gestures. As far as he could see… Evan wanted to ask her if she's okay but she silenced him with a rather mean look, making him roll his eyes. He starts to wonder how those two work under fire and just for a moment regrets once again that he'll probably never get to see them in action.

Spencer, however, isn't intimidated the least by Evan's look and just calmly examines the cell phone but scowls at it only moments after opening it. Then he finally gets up and says, "Alright… those two? One hundred percent _not_ Homeland Security." Oh _really_? He could have told him _that_ himself. But yeah, Spencer doesn't look like the kind of guy that take kindly to being interrupted. "We haven't found out who _exactly_ they're working for yet but it's not something known to the public. Anyone of you got any idea? Majors? Captain?"

Huh. Did he just see Spencer deliberately avoiding having to look at Laura? Nah, he must have been imagining that. Evan and Laura, though… share another… _look_ and then, after another moment of taking his time, Evan says, "Not… exactly." He shakes his head. "Charlie… what the _hell_ did you get yourself into?"

What… why does everyone suddenly look at _him_?

Oh, right.

Because just about ten minutes ago, he was just _this_ close to being shot by two guys claiming to belong to Homeland Security even though no one ever heard of them there. He takes a deep breath to answer but Spencer beats him to it. "I suggest we discuss this someplace else."

"Oh yeah? You got any ideas as to where that should be?" Laura again, and again she managed to catch him off guard with that irreverent tone of hers – as if there's nothing here that would scare or at least severely disturb anyone.

This time… Spencer does look at her but it looks like he had to _force_ himself to do that. "Yeah. Follow me, all of you."

Another look is passed between Evan and Laura and in the end they give in. He does notice, though, that both of them keep their gun. Unobtrusively – Evan hides it under the jacket he just picked up and hung over his arm and Laura at her back, tucked into the belt and hidden under a sweater wound around her hips – but easy to reach. Neither of them trust Spencer yet and maybe… that's a good thing.

He's also sure Spencer must have noticed Evan and Laura not leaving the guns behind but since he doesn't say anything, the matter isn't addressed. Spencer sets off to leave the back alley and he follows, throwing a look back.

Evan and Laura also start moving but they do look like they're deliberately lagging behind and when he catches a hissed "… like some stupid damsel in distress, dammit," from Laura and a half-whispered "…not your fault," from Evan, he realizes why they're doing it. Laura just started bitching about getting herself trapped and Evan's trying to reassure her she did the best she could. He knows he shouldn't do it… but he can't help wondering if right now Evan's her husband… or her superior.

Oh well… that can wait. Spencer's looking just a little impatient and he figures he better keep up with him. Well… and he should probably work on finding an excuse for Anna since he starts to get the feeling… that this could take even longer than Anna trying to find the _perfect_ shoes for the big wedding.


End file.
